As mom to a 4 year-old- girl, my only
choice for favorite movie this season is Frozen. We’ve seen it twice and the
soundtrack is on repeat constantly (not a terrible thing given the presence of
Idina Menzel). In everything, though,
there is a lesson if we are looking for it.
I can see in this movie a beautiful analogy for relationships in the multi-ethnic church.
In Frozen, Queen Elsa has the power to create snow and
ice. When Elsa is afraid, her winter
creations are jagged, contorted crystals.
As her fear melts away, she instead produces happy snowmen, shimmering staircases, and ornate ice castles. In
our racially reconciling church, I see again and again how fear distorts our
best efforts at relationship. For example, my husband recently posted what he thought was an innocuous status on Facebook. “I've noticed that when it snows, high income neighborhoods get cleared immediately low income neighborhoods do not get cleared. Why I don't know.” Thirty-two emotional comments later, he learned that such an observation means different things for different people! Many felt my husband was trying to make them feel guilty for having plowed streets while others went without. In reality, there was no intent of the sort- as one commenter rightly mentioned, we live in a neighborhood where the streets are plowed before it even stops snowing. Still, we learned that fear of being made feel guilty caused even people who had been over to our home for dinner to react strongly.
Fear is
hard to admit and recognize because it is a charged emotion that takes so many
forms. To identify whether fear is
playing a role in your multi-ethnic relationships, check out these three statements below typically associated with fear.
1. I hate being
uncomfortable- This is the starting position to those who are new to the
multi-ethnic church or to deep relationships with diverse others (racially,
ethnically or socio-economically). Starting here is perfectly natural, but
staying here will end our efforts at unity before they start! Sociologically, “religious groups exist to
supply members with meaning, belonging, and security.” These factors tend to be
greater amongst a group of people with similar characteristics, and so homogeneous
congregations feel more comfortable. This is because our political leanings, lifestyle and even worldview are less likely to be challenged in a group that looks and lives like us. However, in order to display the unity Christ
called for in John 17, we have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and
even with having others being uncomfortable.
2. I’ve been burned before- For those who
have moved past the idea of discomfort in cross-cultural relationships and into
the experience of it, past hurts may become the barrier to moving forward.
Relationships in diverse congregations are not always easy. Examples of misunderstandings I have heard
just in the past couple of months include:
- A West African upset that he has been introducing himself to the same people for the past 5 years and they never remember his name or his family’s names
- A Caucasian who offended a Latino by wiping his hands on his pants after a handshake (his hands were just sweaty!)
- A younger African American who offended an older African American by not offering a proper greeting on Sunday morning.
3. I don’t want to feel guilty (admit that I
have privilege)- This may be one of the trickiest fears to deal with. Especially
for majority or socio-economically advantaged populations, coming into contact
with diverse others may mean confronting advantages others don’t have. When you
build diverse relationships you will get to know the boomer adult who can’t find
a job, the better qualified woman who was passed over for promotion in favor of
a man, the ambitious teen stuck in a terrible school or even the person with unplowed
streets who can’t get to work. As we see
disadvantages others face, our narratives about success and life
will be challenged. This is a scary
prospect that can push us back into the comfort of homogeneous relationships.
And why is it worth it to face my fears?
- First and foremost because it is a mandate of, and apologetic for, the gospel to unite- every tribe, tongue and nation. (John 17:20-23, Revelation 7:9)
- We grow as Christ followers when we open our hearts to other perspectives- God is infinite and the cultural perspectives of every Christ-follower have something to contribute to our understanding of Him.
- There is something missing when we have only homogeneous relationships in our churches. The New Testament church is many parts and one body. We are not complete without each other. (1 Cor 12)
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